Super Team Seven
by Cranberry Octopus
Summary: The Uchiha glowered at his pink-haired teammate. She may have looked stupid from this point but she was an evil genius, an evil genius bent on destroying the world. "Idiots." SasuSaku and Good ol' Team Seven Love.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so, I have like four different one-shots I wanna post but this crap keep coming out.  
I suddenly feel like Kishimoto, SO FULL OF CRAP.  
BECAUSE HE IS, DAMNIT, HE IS! RAWR.  
Ahem, without further ado. Useless crap.

_Superheroes_

By,  
**Ever. Be. The. Dramatical**

He was late. Again. For the nth time since forever and a day and all the days yet to come – the point is that he was late, again, and it was getting old. Fast. Normally, it wouldn't matter if they were late or not because they had always showed up at least thirty minutes before he arrived. Until he caught on that they didn't arrive when he wanted them to. And somehow, he had always found out when they showed up late.

Stupid, lazy-ass bastard.

Oh, wait, that was Shikamaru.

"He's late!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and fiddled with her bracelet. "We _know_, Naruto."

"Hn."

Both blonde and pinkette looked strangely at their teammate. Back in their genin days, Sasuke would ignore them and wait until Kakashi-sensei had arrived; but now, _now_, he actually _**grunted**_ in agreement? He can't do that! He can't ruin the morning routine just because he came back on his own freewill and now he decided that he'd be more social and happy and –

"Stop it!"

"_What_?" He asked incredulously.

"Aha!" She pointed, leaping onto the bridge railing. "He did it again!"

This time, Naruto decided to act like he knew what was going on. "Did what, Sakura-chan?" Or not.

"That!" She pointed to no one in particular.

Naruto scratched the back of his head in confusion. He was in quite the dilemma; pretend to know what she means or risk certain death by calling her stupid? Decisions, decisions… "Huh?" He finally said. "I don't get it." He admitted sheepishly, unconsciously guarding his head from random blows. None came, thankfully.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Wait for it… wait for it… wait for-"

"Sakura, what are you doing?"

"THERE!" She pointed again, still perfectly perched on her… _perch_. "RIGHT THERE!"

"The… teme?" The blonde said uneasily.

The pinkette nodded happily. "Yes!"

"Sakura, the dobe isn't-"

This time, instead of pointing at nothing, Sakura shrieked and dramatically leapt into Naruto's arms. "He did it again!"

"Did _what_?" Sasuke asked, getting annoyed by her antics.

"Tried to _make a_ _conversation with me_…" She trailed off, hissing here and there before wiping out a kunai and pursuing Sasuke. "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL SASUKE?!"

Sasuke twitched, "Sakura, it's me-"

"ARE YOU THE SNAKE-MAN?!"

"THE SNAKE-MAN?!

"SNAKE-MAN!"

"The muffin man?"

"AH!" Sakura and Naruto screeched, "HE DID IT AGAIN!" They yelled unison.

"Did what again?" A new and cheerful voice asked.

"AH! KAKASHI-SENSEI!" They yelped.

Sasuke rubbed his temples. "Would you guys _please_ stop doing that-"

"SNAKE-MAN!"

Kakashi immediately flung his arm into the air. "Where?!" He asked like a senile old man, looking every which way.

"SASUKE'S BEEN TAKEN OVER BY THE SNAKE-MAN! HE'S TALKING TOO MUCH!"

"He's acting _out of character_…" She hissed.

"Gasp! That's just terrible, Sasuke acting like he's a _part of society_ and _**are you two**_ CRAZY?!"

Both shinobi shrunk back. "Yes?" They squeaked.

"That's it, five hundred-"

"OH NO! KAKASHI-SENSEI HAS BEEN REPLACED BY GAI!"

"Sakura, you can't honestly believe that's going to work a second-"

"AH! WHERE?!"

"GAI?! WHAT?!"

The Uchiha glowered at his pink-haired teammate. She may have looked stupid from this point but she was an evil genius, an evil genius bent on destroying the world. "Idiots."

"I got it! He wasn't replaced by the snake-man-"

"SNAKE-MAN, WHERE?!"

"SHUT UP, DOBE!"

Sakura blinked. "Ohmigosh, he's so Batman!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at this. "_Batman_?"

"Yeah!" She yelled in glee. "He's like Bruce Wayne!"

The copy-nin brought a hand to the bridge of his nose, and pinched. "Oh my god."

Naruto, on the other hand, had taken a different approach: completely agreeing with Sakura and totally taking part in this debate of Sasuke's alter ego. "Are you sure?" He asked, scratching his head, "I see him more as Superman or Spiderman."

"Psh, no."

"The Flash?"

Sakura snorted, "That's Naruto."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

Kakashi and Sakura exchanged looked before nodding at each other. "Definitely the flash," Sakura concluded before grinning evilly at Kakashi-sensei. "Now what are you, Kakashi-sensei?"

"That… Hawk… Guy?"

"Hm… He **is** pretty slow-"

"Who wants to run forty-five laps around _Konoha_?" Their teacher asked in a sing-song voice. "Sakura does!" He sung. "I _am_ fast; I'm just late. There _**is**_ a difference, Sakura."

"Fine, Superman it is."

"What!" Naruto whined, "I get some guy whose fast-"

"His name is The Flash and he happens to be HOT."

"-and Kakashi-sensei gets _Superman_?"

Their only female member rolled her eyes and huffed, favoring one side of her hip than the other. "Anyways, now onto the topic of who I should be…"

"Aqua-girl?" Naruto suggested.

Sakura scoffed, "Lame."

"Cat Woman?" Kakashi asked.

"Hot."

"Indeed," Kakashi agreed.

"No, her story is too sad." Sasuke rolled his eyes but said nothing.

"Hawk Girl?"

Kakashi pretended to consider it, "Maybe… she is pretty slow in the achievement department – ow! I was just kidding, my beloved Sakura-chan!"

"Invisible Woman?" Sakura suggested.

"Nah," Naruto shook his head. "Too nice." This earned a bonk on the head.

"Poison Ivy?"

They all shivered at that thought. Sakura was very good at making poisons and completely deadly when she wanted to be. "No," Sakura shook her head, "Harley Quinn is her side-kick and is way too annoying."

Kakashi grinned underneath his mask. "Perfect! You can be Poison Ivy and Ino can be Harley Quinn!"

Sakura chuckled at that. "You guys are terrible. And no, I don't want a side-kick. I'd be copying Sasuke-kun."

"Hn."

"Anyways, who should I be?"

"Supergirl?" Naruto asked.

This got an eyebrow waggle from Kakashi, a glare from Sasuke and a twitch from Sakura. "No." Sakura said, "Kakashi can't grope me if we're related." She paused, holding her chin. "On second thought…"

"Nope!" Kakashi shouted, "Too late! Next!"

"Batgirl?" Sasuke suddenly suggested.

Everyone exchanged looks. "Hmm…"

"Sure."

"I like it."

"Especially with those tight-"

"_Dobe_."

"Now," Sakura began, completely oblivious to the staring contest going on a few feet from her. "Onto more important matters. What should our name be?"

"I think," Kakashi began, putting a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, his other one on Sakura's shoulder and subtly pushing them closer. "That you should be working on those bat-babies instead." Sakura blushed and Sasuke glared.

"Maybe." She smiled smally. "In a few – SASUKE-KUN! PUT ME _DOWN_!" She squealed.

Sasuke smirked. "Minutes?" He said, shifting her over his shoulder, so he was more comfortable. "Okay."

"I was going to say YEARS!" She flailed.

"Hn. Too long."

"What the – hey! Don't just _stand there_, Kakashi-sensei!"

Much to her chagrin, her sensei completely ignored her. "I've been trying to get you two together for weeks. Enjoy the last few seconds of your virginity."

"WHAT?! I AM _**NOT**_ A-" She paused, already seeing their murderous faces. "- Uh, okay fine, you can have me."

_Score_! Sasuke smirked.

_The Morning After…_

"SASUKE-KUN!"

"What?"

"WHY IS THERE A RING ON MY FINGER?!"

"Hn."

"DON'T YOU GRUNT AT ME, MISTER! I WANT AN EXPLA – _**MPPH**_!"

Sakura squeaked.

"HEY! DON'T BITE-"

Moan.

And then… Silence.

Nah, there were more moans.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so, I was looking at my poll.

AND YOU SASUSAKU FREAKS FREAKING ATTACKED IT.

VOTE.

Because they're a tie and I KNOW there are more than sixteen of you.

So vote or I'll keep writing these instead!

Muahaha – _wait._

Damnit.

For –Morgiee.

"_I fuckin' love your useless crap!"_

…

Yeah, I love it, too.

_**Team Force Seven Unite!**_

_(Yeah, let's go with that…)_

Defiant.

…

Rebellious.

…

Loose-Cannon.

…

Epic.

…

He was _awesome_. He was ever watching, waiting for the chance to bring down villains in the busy streets of Konoha. They thought they had it easy without anyone around to stop them, but they were wrong because **he** was –

"Naruto, _what_ are you wearing?"

– totally getting _his_ moment ruined by his teammates!

The would-be Hokage scoffed at his best friend. What did it _**look**_ like he was wearing? "Sakura-chan, I thought it was obvious."

Sakura blinked. "_Okay_…" She paused, trying to let him down gently. "Say I didn't know what was going on. Say I was you-"

"OI. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"That you're a dobe, Dobe."

"OI. WHAT IS _**THAT**_ SUPPOSED TO MEAN-"

"It means," A new voice began, "That we want to know why you're standing on top of the Hokage tower, at obscene hours of the night-"

Sakura gave him a pointed look. "It's seven o' clock."

He glared at her before continuing. "-wearing a cape, of all things, and staring off into the distance."

"It's simple." He smiled mysteriously.

"Simple?"

"Simple?"

"Aa."

Kakashi looked at Sasuke. Sakura looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked at Sakura. Sakura blushed. Kakashi noticed and Sasuke got shoved in the other direction by an over-protective sensei while Sakura beat down the urge to kill him because he _totally_ just ruined a moment between –

"Yes!" He said… strangely. "We're superheroes remember?"

"Oh my god." Kakashi mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The pinkette held her head in her left hand and used the other to prevent herself from falling over in exasperation. "We weren't serious, Naruto-"

"You _weren't_?" He asked, voice cracking slightly. He looked like he just saw his puppy get eaten by the Snake-man. Sakura snuck a glance toward Sasuke. Or, for that matter, saw Sasuke get molested by the Snake-man. The Uchiha raised an eyebrow at her. She winced. He immediately caught on and scowled before inwardly becoming scarred for life.

Their silent conversation went like this:

_Did you just –_

_Yes. Now shut up._

"Naruto…" Sakura began softly. "We're _ninja_; we can't be superheroes, too."

"Actually…" Kakashi began, "We already are kind of like superheroes. Except Sasuke, he's like the evil turned good guy that everyone judges; like in Batman when Bruce Wayne has to-"

"Ohmigosh, Kakashi, you totally just used an analogy for Sasuke's alter-ego! It's official; he's _supposed_ to be Batman."

"I am** not** Batman," Said Batman.

"Ohmigosh, we HAVE to be superheroes for Halloween." Sakura gushed, ignoring everyone.

Naruto scratched his head for a moment before brightening. "Does this mean I can wear a cape?"

"No." Sakura scoffed.

"Why not?" He whined.

The pinkette rolled her eyes and shifted to put her weight on her left leg. "Because," She scoffed, again. "Flash doesn't have a cape."

"Then I'll be Robin! He has a cape."

"No!" She said too quickly. "You HAVE to be Flash. He's HOT! And you – uh – you're, um, ah…" Laughing nervously, Sakura slowly began to inch away until Sasuke caught on and pulled her back to their square. Rhombus. Trapezoid?

Meanwhile, Naruto was busy scratching his head (yet again), trying to connect the dots while Sakura was silently praying for Naruto to not connect the dots and completely – "_He's hot and I'm – oh_. _**OH**_!" Sakura slumped; he caught on quicker than last time. "Ne, Sakura-chan perhaps _we_-"

"Ahem."

Sakura blinked. Did Sasuke just 'ahem' at Naruto? "Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"UGH!" She huffed. "Trust me; you don't want to be Robin. You'll have to stick around with this bastard for the rest of your life."

"Hn." He grunted, this time sounding slightly offended. As in: 'Oi! I am not_ that_ much of a bastard!'

Kakashi chuckled, "Like **you**, Sakura-_chan_?"

"BACK TO ME AND MY HOTNESS." Naruto obnoxiously interrupted. "So, the flash is _hot_, isn't he?" He asked, _trying to be nonchalant_.

Fail.

Their only female teammate sighed. "_Yes_."

"Which makes me hot, right?"

Again, she sighed. "_Yes_."

"So can we be Team Force Seven?"

"You totally stole that from Family Force Five-"

"OI. I DID NOT. I TOTALLY THOUGHT OF THIS MYSELF."

Sasuke sighed (reluctantly). "Fine."

"Who am I again?"

"Superman!" Sakura shouted with glee.

All three men put their hands together, forming an isosceles triangle with the way their bodies were arranged. They all looked up at her expectantly. "Well," Kakashi began, "Come on Batgirl."

"Bat_woman_." She corrected.

Sasuke smirked, "You can say that again."

"AH!" Sakura shrieked, "SNAKE-MAN!"

"Sakura, you can't honestly believe-"

"Jump ship!" Naruto shouted.

"The elderly go first!"

They could only guess who said that.

"It worked." She smirked.

"Hn."

"Say it."

"No."

"_Say it_."

"No."

"Sasuke. SAY. IT."

"Hn. Team Force Seven Unite."

"Yay!"

Naruto was up there in a _flash_, "You called?"

Oh yeah, that was a pun.


	3. Chapter 3

So I'm watching the Naruto movie.

Thanks Renzie! :D

So it basically goes like this:

1. Weird white guy copies Kakashi.

2. Bells, hm, I'm sensing that this will be the ultimate downfall of White Guy.

3. Angsty moment.

4. "Will of Fire" Yeah we get it, moral of the story. Motif or reoccurring theme.

5. Kakashi is a puppet.

6. Naruto to the rescue!

7. Shut up, Shikamaru, no one likes you.

8. Ha-ha! Naruto's in a straight jacket!

9. Team Seven to the Rescue!

10. Oh, and Sai can come, too.

11. I said NO ONE LIKES YOU, SHIKAMARU.

15. AHA! Bells!

12. Freaky snake-guy reminds me of _**someone**_…

13. YEAH! GO HINATA! YOU GRAB THAT WHIP!

14. Chouji is the new King Kong!

15. OMFG WTF IS THAT?

16. Is Gaara gonna join the party?

17. No, because that would be TOO awesome. Instead, he's going to PREVENT awesomeness.

18. GAARA-KUN? WTF, SAKURA! NO! BAD, SAKURA, BAD! GaaSaku is REAL! D:

19. BELLS! BELLS!

20. Still a puppet.

21. An explosive puppet.

22. "There. I returned your chakra. Now sit still." WTF?

23. Ah, it's the return of Speech-no-jutsu.

24. Kakashi gives Naruto the thumbs up.

25. DEFEATED.

26. Naruto pulls out magically fixed bells, called it.

27. Kakashi: "You're just like him." Grin.

Naruto: "WHAT? YOU CAN'T REVEAL OUR STUDENT-TEACHER GAY RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT!

28. Tenten calls it.

29. "It's not like that!"

.o.

**Team Seven to the Rescue!**

(_Doot-da-da-do_!)

.o.

Oh, he was so dead. He was deader than dead. He was deader than deader than dead. Dead. Sakura was so angry at him that she was ready to flay him, sauté his bones, feed them to a dog, bury his cooked remains in her backyard and _dance _– yeah, that's right,_** dance**_ – on his grave while burning every single ramen package in existence. Oh, and the factories, too, because he deserves it. And the ramen, too, because Sakura had enough spicy miso to last her _fifteen_ lifetimes.

"Naruto," Sakura grounded out in her fluffy pink robe, hair splayed at all ends and completely cranky because he _totally woke her up for this_! "Why are we standing near a tree, near the gates, in our pajamas at-" She looked at her watch, "-_four o' clock in the morning_?" She screeched.

"To save the trees of course."

"Trees?" She asked, seeming to be calm.

Sasuke's eye twitched. Really, he could have been sleeping now or… (this is when he glanced at Sakura) doing other things. "Hn. Dobe."

"Why?" She asked.

That's when he started flailing. "GLOBAL WARMING, SAKURA-CHAN!"

Kakashi lifted a hand up, "Actually, it's called _global climate change_ now."

"Global… climate change?" She asked. "That's why I'm here? _To save trees_?"

"Yup." He beamed.

Sakura nearly fell over. "But why us?"

"Because," He began, "We're superheroes."

Sasuke snorted and Kakashi tried to hide his clear amusement in the situation. "Dobe." He said in disappointment.

"QUIET EMO-BOY!"

On a side note, that was Naruto third choice for Sasuke's superhero persona but the whole dead parents, angsty past and awesome butler was too tempting to pass up. Back to the action. "Hn." Sasuke smirked, at least he wasn't going to die tonight.

"Naruto, I am going to kill you!"

It would have been Naruto's last days if Sasuke hadn't remember that murder was wrong (he should know) and that if Naruto dies, Sai will come back to haunt them and he did _not_ want that. He glanced-sideways toward Sakura; he _definitely_ did not want that. "Sakura." Sasuke soothed. "You can't kill him."

"I will!"

The blonde grinned at her teammate, "You wish, Sakura-chan."

"Such bold statements from a weak little boy!"

"OI! WHO'RE YOU CALLING WEAK?"

It was rare for Sakura and Naruto to get into a fight, much less a physical one, but when it happened, it **happened**.

"STUPID RAMEN-BOY!"

Oh, that was cold. "PINK. HAIR!"

"HOKAGE-WANNABE!"

"NO NAME!"

Sakura's mouth gaped open like a fish. "You – you're sensei's _dead_." She taunted.

"Hey!" Kakashi shouted, offended, "I'm right here!"

"I'm talking about the other one!" Sakura snapped.

"Well at least mine wasn't a _drunk_."

"At least mine wasn't in love with… mine…"

"Jiraiya was in love with me?"

Sakura rolled her eyes, "No," She huffed, "Jiraiya was in love with Tsunade but she was too caught up with Dan to-"

"Right, right, her flat days."

"_Sensei_!"

He held up his hands in defense. "Pardon me, her '_Sakura days'_."

The pinkette twitched. "_**Kakashi-sensei**_…" She began sweetly. "Is there anything _else_ you would like to contribute?"

He rubbed his chin, as if thinking. "Well-"

"BECAUSE I WOULD NOT!"

"I WOULD!" Naruto shouted.

"NO ONE CARES!" She shouted back.

"YOUR MOM CARES!"

"YOUR MOM'S _DEAD_!"

"YOUR MOM EATS POTATOES!"

Both by-standers raised an eyebrow up for that one. Really, Sakura, _really_?

"OH YEAH, WELL – OH YEAH?"

Seriously? Seriously. Seriously? How retarded was Naruto? "HA! I WI – AH!" And that's when they actually started rolling around in the dirt and Sasuke and Kakashi began taking bets. So far, Sasuke was sure that Naruto would gain dominance but Sakura's ability to scare the crap out of him with overpower his will to win and make him forfeit; Kakashi, on the other hand, was dead set on Sakura winning and even landing a good punch or two in.

Somehow, in between curses and blind punches, Naruto had ended up on top and was now attempting to smother Sakura with his lips. Ah, let him do it, he deserves some action –

"DOBE!"

"What?"

"You – you – y-you can't just – AGH, EAT CHIDORI MORON!"

"AH! SASUKE! I'M SORRY!"

"Naruto…" Sakura snarled, "COME BACK HERE! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!"

"NO! SAKURA-CHAN! TEME! KAKASHI-SENSEI, DON'T JUST STAND THERE!"

And, with that stupid little eye crease still on his face. "I'm sorry; you must have mistaken me for someone else. You see, I'm superman and have no idea who this 'Kakashi-sensei' is that you speak of-"

"I TAKE IT BACK! YOU ARE GAY!"

Kakashi panicked. Must protect male pride. "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Yeah," Sakura said suddenly, "That random grin-thing is kind of weird-"

"Queer, even." Sasuke added with a smirk.

"Or special, not that we wouldn't love you any less, Sensei but-"

"I'm not gay!"

Sakura smiled at him, "Of course you are!" She beamed.

"I'm not-"

"OHMIGOD THERE'S A CAT IN THE TREE! QUICKLY BATGIRL, USE YOUR SPECIAL ROPE!"

"Special… rope?"

Kakashi sighed in relief. Ah, thank Kami for Naruto.


End file.
